Marriage in Taiwan Part III

I apologize for not really blogging this week...it's just been a busy few weeks with seminars and weekend work, and when I do have free time, I'm too tired to blog coherently. There's nothing more to it than that - I have a long list of topics I've thunk up and want to write about, and no energy or presence of mind to do it right now. I hope you'll bear with me.

I did want to share a quick anecdote that made me wonder, though.

The first:

This was discussed at length in my first and second posts on the low marriage rate in Taiwan, but I had two conversations that highlighted a probable area of disagreement and likely cognitive dissonance between men and women here.

From a female peer: "Oh, Taiwanese men always feel they have to earn more than we do. So if you are a woman and you earn a high salary, a man you date will think he has to earn even more and maybe you won't find many men who can do that. They think they need to make more money than their wife just because they are a man. So they will not marry you if they are scared that you will earn more. I think that is so stupid."

From a male peer: "Taiwanese women! They always want the man to earn more! So if she earns a lot, he has to earn even more than that or she won't marry him. She will say 'you have to buy me this' or 'you have to have so much saved money' and if she makes more she will get angry with him, because she wants a better lifestyle. So it's hard for a Taiwanese man to marry."

Back to the female peer: "I don't care if I earn more than my boyfriend or my husband. If we can have a good life and he can also contribute, then it's OK." (Same woman later admitted that there are Taiwanese women who insist that they will only marry someone who can improve their lifestyle).

Back to the male peer: "If my wife earned a lot more than me, I would think it's OK, but she won't think that is OK! Then I feel like I have to work harder to make more!" (Same person later admitted that if his wife earned only a little more than him, he'd feel that he'd need to work harder to earn more than her because, ahem, "I am the man". It's only OK if she earns vastly more than he does).

So.

This is just two people - hardly a representative sample. Merely an anecdote. I do think it highlights something important, though. You could conclude from this that both men and women want husbands to earn more than wives, but I don't think that's what's going on here. It seems to me, from observation beyond these two conversations, that the men think the women want them to earn more (and are split on whether they themselves agree) and the women think that the problem is the men's arrogance, made worse by a few women who really buy into outdated ideas, which casts a stereotype over all Taiwanese women.

Which, you know, I don't know. Just some thoughts.

Song Chu (宋廚) - A Sad Rant About Great Duck

宋廚(Song Chu)

#14, Lane 15 Zhongxiao E. Road Sec. 5

(Almost right next to/slightly behind MRT City Hall)

台北信義區忠孝東路五段15巷14號

捷運市政府站

I have two things to say about Song Chu:

1.) The Beijing Duck is divine. (那邊的北京烤鴨真好吃)

2.) The service is terrible. (他們的服務非常糟糕呢！)

Song Chu is famous for its Beijing duck - most of my students have eaten there at least once and while it doesn't seem to be that well-known in expat circles (certainly it's known, but doesn't seem to be that famous) it's very well regarded among Taipei residents. To eat there, you have to either a.) know someone or b.) stand in line on the first of the month in the morning (get there no later than 10am, and I'd advise earlier) to reserve a table. You can call, but they won't answer. People we know with high positions in various companies seem to eat there often, and I don't believe for a minute that they actually wait in line on the 1st day of the month - they might send their assistants to do it, but more likely they just have some guanxi and don't have to stand around like us plebes. I had to stand around on April 1st to get a reservation for this past Saturday (May 28).

We ordered some other food to go with the duck, as one does. Some sliced fish in a slightly sweet, slightly savory goopy sauce (it was good, really), sweet potato leaves, onion pancake and other things. The other food was good, but not great. If I'd been taken out to a basic Chinese banquet hall and fed it, I'd think it was just fine, but I wouldn't write home about it.

The duck is really where it's at, and also where things went terribly wrong.

When I made the reservation - an hour and a half standing in the sun dodging scooters with the other duck-seekers - I told them our party size (nine) and that we "weren't going to order too many side dishes, we want lots of duck. Basically only duck." "We can do that!" the woman taking the reservation said.

So I figured, you know, they're professionals, they should know that a party of nine who orders relatively few dishes (which weren't worth a two hour wait) and wants to mostly gorge out on duck is going to need two ducks.

Yes, I should have been more specific and said "two ducks!" - but then they also should have asked (they didn't).

So we eat the food, and eagerly await our duck, and one duck's worth of duck arrives. And it's delicious. It's amazing. It's juicy and fatty without being greasy. The plum sauce is truly memorable. Everything is fresh. It's tender. It's better than Celestial and much better than Wei Fu Lou. I ask for more duck.

There is no more duck, because "you only ordered one duck when you reserved."

Err, no, I didn't. I said I wanted enough duck for nine people who didn't plan on eating a lot of other things.

"But we called you to confirm your reservation and you didn't say two ducks."

"You didn't ask and I thought you guys were true professionals and should be able to handle this sort of thing."

"When a table makes a reservation, we always give them one duck unless they ask for more. You should know that."

"How? Nobody told me that. Nobody said 'one duck'. Nobody informed me of this policy. You certainly didn't tell me when I reserved the table."

"I'm sorry but that's how we do it, and we don't have another duck. You can always order more food."

"I don't want other food. I didn't come here to eat mid-range sweet potato leaves. I can do that anywhere without having to wait in line for two hours to reserve a table. I want to speak to the boss. I am really not satisfied. I expected better."

"The boss isn't here." (Either she was lying through her teeth - which is quite likely - or the owner of the place never actually visits and lives off the profits in some hideous granite and marble monstrosity on Ren'ai Road, which I concede is also likely.)

Well.

We didn't really get an apology - a mumbled 不好意思 doesn't count. We didn't get anything that would have made me satisfied. Call me spoiled but if I'm going to go to some effort to eat somewhere, I expect satisfaction equal to the time and money spent. I realize this doesn't always happen in Asia unless you're in Japan (and not even always there - try ordering a sandwich from a set menu but asking them to leave off mayonnaise or something), but, you know, I really was not happy.

I'd say "they've lost my business" but it doesn't matter - they're famous. They have a line that unfurls down the block every first of the month. My decision not to eat there again doesn't really affect anything (sort of like how I'm on Dingtaifung strike because as good as their dumplings are, they're shockingly overpriced).

It's a shame though. The duck is truly sublime. If they'd offered some little olive branch to keep the customer happy, this would have been a rave review. Instead it's a rant...and that sucks for everyone.

Another video...because I felt like it.

I enjoyed making a video slideshow of Taipei photos so much that I went ahead and made another one for Taiwan, set to a different song by the same Taipei band.

Enjoy!

Some thoughts on women and justice in Taiwan

A thought.

The news-storm brewing for months that surrounds the reopened case of Jiang Guoqing (also spelled Chiang Kuo-ching), who (for those not in Taiwan who haven't heard this already) was tortured to confess to, convicted of and quickly executed for rape in 1996, a conviction/execution now believed to have been wrongfully carried out does not just raise questions about the justice system, methods used to extract confessions or wrongful conviction for sex offenders. It also raises questions about women's rights.

As does this disturbing tale, published on The View from Taiwan, which sort of gelled it all together in my brain (mmm, gelled brain) last night.

If Taiwan, or any nation's justice system for that matter, lacks the basic competence to apprehend, try and convict the right person in a rape or sex offense case, that's bad for not just the families of those wrongfully convicted or for the victims of wrongful execution (although of course it is also tragic for them), but also bad for women and girls. Anyone who is the victim of a sex offense, or the family member of someone killed during one, deserves the assurance that the system will do everything possible to bring the right person to justice. If someone can commit a rape and then watch another person executed for it, and this can go un-investigated for over a decade, how can any woman know that justice is on her side if she is the victim of a sex crime? How can she or her family know that, rather than bowing to pressure to solve a case quickly and thus extracting a forced confession, the investigators will do everything in their power to apprehend not just anyone but the actual person who committed the crime?

It leaves the tragedy of the crime against the woman unaddressed as well as allows the actual rapists, murderers and sex offenders to go free (and if the case gets enough publicity, allows future criminals to feel as though the gamble that they won't get caught is worth it).

Michael's story is equally disturbing - other than picking the girl up in the science park and bringing her home, there is nothing in his story to suggest that the police will actually apprehend Mr. Wang Yo (although there is also no evidence that they are not trying). There's the fact that after committing such a heinous crime, he still felt he could call her family to "apologize" (in all likelihood a subtle threat to them know that he knows how to find them) without repercussions - clearly a man with no fear of the justice system.

The treatment of the girl at school after the incident is even worse - this is not how one handles such cases. All this does is marginalize females even more. This is exactly the sort of behavior that creates a demented anti-woman society. The teacher that publicly humiliated the girl deserves to be fired, thrown in jail and forced to pay compensation, as well...and (s)he probably won't be made to suffer any of that.

This is not to say that fearing getting caught is necessarily a deterrent to rapists and other sex offenders. If it were, we'd probably have fewer sex crimes around the world. Clearly there will be people who will commit the crime regardless of the possible consequences. I can't help but think, though, that more of this occurs in places where being caught and made to suffer the consequences is not as likely.

It also says a lot regarding the state of sex education and real-world discussions among Taiwanese mothers and their daughters. The girl in this incident quite likely was not educated in the very real dangers of this sort of activity (although it is possible that she was, and chose to ignore her mother's words).

Despite the fact that sex education seems to be more open in Taiwan than in many parts of the USA - I have seen sexual safety advertisements on the TVs in the MRT here! - I hear stories in Taiwan that terrify me regarding the state of girls' sex education. Everything from "your mother doesn't mind that your older sister lives with her boyfriend? So she won't mind if your sister gets pregnant?" to "But if I use a tampon, I can't pee because the hole will be blocked" to the alarming state of naivete of a fourteen year old girl. That said, she had her friends are only fourteen and will have some degree of naivete and immaturity. I do feel, though, that their education in these matters could have been better.

Finally, a comment on Michael's post disturbs me almost as much as the story itself - one commenter said the man was blameless - "if someone wants to jump off a bridge, who can blame the bridge?" - while probably an expat, the fact that this kind of mindset, that a sick pervert is just an inert pawn in some naive little girl's plot to be molested, is really, truly horrifying. This is an attitude that can't be wiped off the face of the Earth fast enough, for the good of not just women, but for everyone.

I do still believe that Taiwan is a safe place for women and our daughters. I do believe that I am far safer here than I ever was living in Washington, DC (or even my small hometown). I do believe that Taiwan's generally low crime rate and generally greater respect for women's rights compared to the rest of Asia is not to be taken lightly. I would not fear raising a daughter in Taiwan.

My Taipei

I'm a bit more than halfway through that viral "30 Day Song Challenge" on Facebook, and this song (by Taipei indie band Touming Magazine) was not on YouTube to post as a chosen song.

So...I made a video! And seeing as it's a Taipei-based band, I decided to make the video all photos from five years in Taipei.

Many of them are not good photos in the technical sense but I like to think they are all at least interesting and well-composed enough (and I can forgive technical flaws in anyone's work, including my own, if the photo itself is interesting. A technically good but boring photo is a far worse crime).

Either way, great or not, they're my pictures so they showcase my unique view of Taipei and my perspective on the city over the last five years (on this, the cusp of my fifth devastatingly sweltering Taiwan summer, I have been reflecting inordinately much on my time in Taiwan so far).

Will make another of Taiwan on the whole soon.

Enjoy!

My Second Editorial

Had a letter published in the Taipei Times today...enjoy!

(Copied below - title is not mine)

Philosophical glove fits all

Albert Shihyi Chiu (邱師儀) gave an impassioned opinion on the spiritual and philosophical immaturity of the Taiwanese, citing qigong masters, temple rituals, doomsday prophets and other eclectic hustlers of heaven, hell and every ghost in between (“Breaking through Taiwan’s babble,” May 19, page 8).

I respectfully disagree with his opinion, not because it implicitly supports secularism — as an agnostic, I am also inclined toward secular philosophy — but because my impression from talking to Taiwanese has been that they are practical about their beliefs. While a few people still surround themselves with superstition, the vast majority are able to separate the possible from the ridiculous. Every opinion I have heard of Wang Chao-hung (王超弘), who “predicted” the nonexistent May 11 earthquake, has been wryly dismissive or humorous (“Are you sure I have to practice my presentation? Don’t you know the world is going to end tomorrow?”)

Furthermore, dealing in the ephemera of folk belief and spirituality is hardly unique to Taiwan. Why single out Taiwanese as philosophically immature when around the world, people are doing the same things with different names and aesthetic trappings? Why criticize Taiwanese when a good portion of the US believed that the world was going to end on Saturday, or when Westerners make, sell and buy “spell rings” and “magic crystals” on the Internet, pay for tarot readings and ascribe supernatural causes to everyday occurrences?

Taiwanese are also hardly alone in other spiritual beliefs: spirit mediums, firewalking and processionals also exist in India, and you’ll see similarities in saint’s day parades in Mexico. You can find an Evil Eye charm in any Mediterranean country for every ba gua mirror and amulet in Taiwan, and if you whittle yoga and taichi down to their spiritual core, you’ll find similarities there, too. For everyone in Taiwan who prays to Confucius or Wenchang (文昌帝君) for a good test score, there’s a kid in some other country begging their own chosen god for some literati luck.

I cannot say that people who believe in these things are intellectually inferior or use religion as an opiate. I believe they have a way of looking at the world that, while I might not agree with it, works for them. To criticize Taiwanese for this is to criticize most of the world. If Taiwanese are not philosophically mature, then nobody is.

In fact, I’d say that Taiwanese spirituality is a part of what I love about this country. I see these beliefs as a window into one culture’s traditions and world view and as artistic expression. Would Mr Chiu prefer that Taiwan become more like China, turning out the “old religion” in favor of ... what? Nothing at all? “Nothing at all” might be my philosophy, but I find learning about the myriad beliefs and traditions in Taiwan to be deeply enriching. Whether or not you burn ghost money or throw fortune blocks, these things do provide the open-minded with a chance to see life and philosophy from a fascinating perspective.

Taiwan Celebrates...What Now?

Sign at the Fulong Sand Sculpture festival

Brendan's hawk eyes noticed this sign before I did.

So.

Ummm...excuse me? Leaving aside the horrible phrasing of "After a century, Taiwan celebrates its 100th year anniversary" (as opposed to celebrating what? What else do you celebrate after 100 years?)...

...I would dearly like to know what happened in 1911 in Taiwan that would cause Taiwan to celebrate its centennial. Something happened in China 100 years ago, for sure, and not one but two governments celebrate it. Nothing, however, happened in Taiwan. On October 10th, 1911, the Taiwanese and Japanese woke up and went about their day as usual. In a country on the other side of the Taiwan Strait a lot was going on, but that has nothing to do with Taiwan. The sentence makes it sound like Taiwan didn't exist before 1911 - as though the KMT, despite the fact that they didn't arrive for several decades more, founded the country in 1911, or discovered the island, or something.

The Republic of China, sure. And yes, the Republic of China is the name of the sovereign government of Taiwan (which I do think should be called the Republic of Taiwan, but that's a whole 'nother rant) now, but it wasn't then. The sign would be correct to say "The Republic of China celebrates its 100th anniversary".

Which it did.

In China.

I'm sure this was written as it was to appease some douchebag from the Chinese government, or the Chinese artists listed as having worked on the corresponding sculpture (which is this one - the side is of Taipei 101 and Spongebob from my previous post):

...or maybe some douchebag in the KMT. The latter actually makes the most sense, considering that the phrasing as it is makes no sense at all. Or it was some sort of compromise that made everyone roll their eyes.

Not only should the government not be giving in to such demands, whether they are internal or international, but they should lay ground rules for these events along the lines of "you respect the reasonable language we use to express our sovereignty, you respect us and our dignity, or don't bother coming to, sponsoring or participating in our festival."

More happily, though, we also saw this sign:

The "正" should be read in Taiwanese (I believe it sounds like biang with a falling tone, but I don't really speak Taiwanese) and I suppose means "really" or "very".

Hooray for dai gi popping up on signage!